Check this out, I just saw this:

Howard Stern welcomes about a dozen dudes with the smallest wangs in the world. Watch this video if you’ve ever felt curious or insecure, you’ll walk away feeling like a champion.

I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all
I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can
tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly
involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when
you realize you’re wrong.

I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need
to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with
flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized
that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are
supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back
in the direction from which you came, you have to first do
something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter
to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap
when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a
keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I
will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and
it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would
magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did
we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message
boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was
younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on
when I first saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it
actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up
wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s
laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just
a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still
the only one who really, really gets it.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each
hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend’s job should be to
immediately clear your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m
trying to finish a text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes
to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have
nothing else to say”.

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between
boredom and hunger.

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a
Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street
smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you
just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars
teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,
brothers!

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road
and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5.
Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you
how the person died.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get
in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never
get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of
tired.

Bad decisions make good stories

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their
offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room
has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so
incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this
shouldn’t be a problem….

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a
moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing
anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs?
I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure
you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and
it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper
that I swear I did not make any changes to.

“Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash
this ever.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of
people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will
they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t
watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and
leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’

While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally
for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly
certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello?
Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the
phone and run away?

THIS MAZDA`B2600 RUNS GREAT HAS NO MECHANICAL ISSUES JUST 96K MILES….DONT THINK IT CAME WITH AC SYSTEM IF IT DID DOES NOT WORK ,HEATER WORKS GREAT ENGINE RUNS STRONG 4 WHEEL DRIVE WITH NICE OFFROAD AFTER MARKET RIMS AND TIRES THAT ARE WORTH $200 ON THEIR OWN……TRUCK DOES HAVE SUM HISTORY I FEEL OBLIGATED TO SHARE WITH ANY POTENTIAL BUYER….THIS TRUCK WAS INVOLVED IN A SHOOTING/ HOMICIDE A FAMILY OF THREE LOST THEIR LIVES INCLUDING A MAN,WOMAN AND A SMALL CHILD….AFTER THE SHOOTING ITS SAID THAT THE TRUCK ROLLED OFF THE ROAD INTO A LARGE WATER DRAIN DITCH WERE IT CAME TO REST ON ITS SIDE FOR THREE AND A HALF WEEKS BEFORE BEING DISCOVERED BY A PASSING BICYCLIST . THE TRUCK CLEARLY BARES THE SCARES FROM THIS INCIDENT WITH MINOR BODY DAMAGE TO THE DRIVERS SIDE ,12 NOTABLE BULLET HOLES,SHATTERED DRIVER/PASSENGER SIDE WIDOWS, SEVERELY BLOODSTAINED SEATS AND CARPET AND THE WORST OF IT WITHOUT A DOUBT IS THE ODOR OF ROTTEN FLESH I JUST CANT GET RED OF THE ODOR AND I CAN NO LONGER DEAL WITH THIS TRUCK STINKING UP MY BACK YARD. FIRST 200 OWNS IT CLEAN TITLE READY TO BE SIGNED OVER…..TRUCK EVEN COMES WITH REGISTRATION AND INSURANCE THAT IS VALID TILL EARLY 2011….SO IF U GOT 2 BILLS AND CAN DEAL WITH THE ODOR YOUR GOOD TO GO…..ALSO WOULD BE GREAT FOR PARTS

SERIOUS BUYERS ONLY!!!!!!!!!!DONT WASTE MY TIME

• Location: VEGAS

This is bullshit. haha.

Reply to: sale-fm8×7-1672654758@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Looking for a first car for a teen? This car is absolutely brilliant. It’s got low mileage (68k), has been super reliable, and is excellent on gas. Since you’re likely paying for the gas, this will make things much cheaper on you. I average like 37MPG to a tank. And with such low mileage, it’ll work great for a long long time.

But you wanna know the best reason to buy this car for your kid?

It’s slow as shit. You don’t have to worry about speeding tickets or accidents in this baby. Your kid could have a 1 mile run and hit a brick wall not wearing a seatbelt and not be going fast enough to do shit. And there won’t be any sense in him getting some shitty ass fart can off of eBay – this car has the super slow SPI engine, no sense in trying to make it any faster. It’s a 4-door, so your kid won’t try to put gay ass Lambo doors on it. It is still possible to fit this with a body kit, but if you’d like, for an extra $200, I can stab him in the face if he does this.

It’s a 5-speed, so your kid can’t talk on his cell phone while playing Gameboy and smoking pot – he’ll have to actually pay attention. It also means you won’t have to pay for an automatic transmission when your kid beats the hell out of it. It’s got a new clutch and new tires, so you’ll know if he does burnouts. After all, I’m sure YOU’RE the one paying for tires, right? It’s got an aftermarket head unit in it, so your kid won’t fuck it up when him and his buddies try to wire in a “phat ass system”. It’s already had the speakers replaced too, so he won’t have to tear the door cards on and then look like a retard when he can’t get them back on. It’s got manual windows too, so he can’t fuck up the window motors when he rolls one of his friends heads up in it as a joke. A new battery means when he leaves his headlights on, it won’t leave you totally stranded.

But really though, one of the best parts is that, because it is a 4 door, it will be somewhat embarrassing for him to be seen in. I’m sure you get pissed at him from time to time. Hell, you’re probably mad at him for harassing you into buying him a first car. So get this one. It has no A/C, so you’ll know he’s suffering every time you get mad at him. Pretty satisfying. It’ll bring a smile to your face too, to know he’s rolling around looking like a faggot in a Ford Focus.

So buy this car for your kid. You won’t regret it

Contact: 573-334-4363

<img src=”http://images.craigslist.org/3nb3me3lb5V25Q55U6a4149d8804590341d46.jpg”>

woman flipping off iran president

killer puppy, lost.

Hey, you’re here now.